Dan Blather

Well, the election's not over, but it's not looking good, either. My feelings can be best expressed by paraphrasing Mortimer Duke:

"Get those voters back in here! Turn those machines back on! Turn those machines back on!"

I stayed up past my bedtime last night to watch the results to come in, and the only good news I got is that Dan Rather is still insane. Last election I was amazed at what came out of his mouth, so this year (at Amy's suggestion), I wrote a few down:

• "This election is hotter than the devil's anvil"
• "In some ways, George Bush's lead is as thin as November ice."
  
• "Bush is sweeping through the South like a beetle through a cotton field."
• "'It won't mean a thing if they don't get those swing' states"
• "Play a verse of Johhny B. Goode in Illinois for John Kerry"
• The election is "swinging like Count Basie"
• "Only votes talk... everything else walks"
• "George Bush is sweeping through the Midwest like a big combine"
• "We're on these returns like white on rice" (Yes, he actually said that)
• "This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex"
• "We used to say if a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun."
• "As the saying goes, 'Never gamble against strangers, never expect a Democrat in Kansas'"

Seriously, does he come up with these beforehand? Are they off-the-cuff? Or are these common expressions in Dan Ratherland?

Posted by Kevin at November 3, 2004 09:39 AM