November 28, 2005
Let's Talk Turkey
Hey, everyone, how was your Thanksgiving? Was your turkey good? Yes? Hmmm... well, I'm not sure how to break this to you, but you're quite wrong: your turkey was terrible. I mean, really gawdawful. I know, it's quite a shock, isn't it? To find out that what you thought was a perfectly good turkey was in fact a minor culinary disaster.
How do I know that your turkey was a terrible, stringy embarrassment? Because odds are your turkey wasn't brined, like this one was:
Therefore, it was terrible. Don't worry, though, brining is easy, so you can do it next year! Here's the method I used:
- Procure a large bucket, preferably an empty one that does not have "industrial strength" and/or "hair removal" written on the outside. Mine at one point held the largest quantity of chicken salad known to man.
- Fill bucket with brine, water, ice, and love.
- Place turkey in brine. Add water until turkey sleeps with the fishes.
- Place covered bucket in cold place (I used a garage) for 6 hours. Lie through teeth to assure wife that this is perfectly safe.
- Remove turkey from brine, and cook at 500° for 30 minutes. Ignore/remove-batteries-from smoke alarms (mine only went off once).
- Continue cooking turkey at 350° until done, about 90 minutes.
Or, use the actual recipe that I used.