September 02, 2005
It burns! It burns!
Thank goodness I'm a dumbass. Otherwise, I don't know how I'd keep you people entertained. Last weekend the wife and I headed to the Jersey shore with the family, and I decided that suntan lotion is for sissies. Okay, not really, but I forgot to put it on my legs, anyway. So while I relaxed on the beach with a nice book, my legs were saut´ing to a nice lobster red.
And now a little info about aloe: Aloe was discovered by the Native Americans to be an effective way to mess with people already in pain. The first documented use went something like this:
Running bear: "Boy, Pale-as-Snow is really being a pain about that sunburn."
Tan-like-oak: "No kidding. Hey, I've got a great idea. Let's tell him that this rubbing sticky stuff all over the burn will help."
Running bear: "What? That green stuff? He'll never buy it. All that does is make your leg hair sticky and cause your skin to tighten up."
Flash forward three hundred years later, and I'm lying on the couch with green goop on my legs, plotting my revenge on the sun.
Luckily, things have been healing nicely, and I own a lot of pants.Posted by Kevin at September 2, 2005 12:56 PM